Greetings, gentle readers. As I write this, friends and family in Louisiana are preparing to evacuate. Some family members have already headed west to Austin in search of refuge from the oncoming storm. Three years ago when Hurricane Katrina made her mark on the coastlines of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama, I was there. My husband and I were living in a suburb of Baton Rouge at the time, and I worked in medical records at a Baton Rouge hospital. Many of the patients in our hospital were evacuees from New Orleans after Katrina, and we were on mandatory overtime (because of the excessive patient load) when I left there 9 months after Katrina left her mark. After Katrina, I saw patients and families in disbelief, shock, and with deep sadness in their eyes as I came and left from work at the beginning and end of my shift. I saw and heard things I will never forget for the rest of my life.
A lot of people seem to have forgotten about Katrina’s ugly cousin, Rita. Rita visited us in Louisiana just 3-1/2 weeks after Katrina made her mark in the gulf coast. Where we were, we actually had it a little bit worse with Rita than we did with Katrina, though we had our share of hurricane-strength winds and rain during both of those storms. Being born and raised a California girl, I was ill-prepared for the emotional devastation that would come from living in “hurricane country”. Nine months after Katrina, 8 months after Rita, for a number of reasons, my husband and I packed up our household, our 2 cats and our dog, rented a U-Haul, and moved back to California. However, as many reasons as we had for coming back to California, they can all be linked back to some kind of domino-effect in our lives after our lives were ravaged with 2 hurricanes less than a month apart.
As I watch the news stories on the internet and on TV about hurricane Gustav, which has already done a great deal of damage in the Caribbean, I feel that anxiety that I felt when we were watching the internet and the weather report channel about news on Katrina as she was dancing her way across the Caribbean and up into the gulf toward Louisiana. I have not even lived in Louisiana for more than 2 years now, but I can still feel it. You live through a hurricane like that, and you never forget it for the rest of your life. And now we watch and wait for news on Gustav, praying for some miracle that he’ll lose strength somewhere in the gulf before he makes landfall.
I pray that Gustav loses strength, and I pray that if he does stay strong and make landfall that people are able to evacuate to higher/safer shelter. I pray that everyone in the affected area is safe, that all the animals and pets are safe, and that the children, elderly, and otherwise impaired who have difficulty helping themselves get the aid they need to stay safe and healthy and alive. I pray with my whole heart that it does not happen again. I will most likely spend the rest of my life right here in California, but a part of my heart will always live in the beautiful green, warm, humid land that is the great state of Louisiana. I’ll be praying for all the people there—those we know and those we do not know—that all who are affected by the coming storm not suffer devastating loss.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Is There Life After Bariatric Surgery (Or.... What About The Food?)
For those of you just “meeting” me for the first time through this blog, I had roux-en-Y gastric bypass surgery 4-1/2 months ago. My journey toward bariatric surgery truly began the years and years ago that my weight got out of control, but here’s a little background on what led me to getting the surgery I had in April 2008.
Two years ago on my birthday, September 4, 2006, I woke up in the morning and, as I did on many mornings, stood on the scale. Seriously, what is that number? It’s gotta be wrong. This scale’s all messed up. Well, I have been eating a lot of salt. But geeze, 257? AGAIN? That’s like 10 days in a row now. Can’t blame THAT on salt, can ya, girlfriend? Thus began a couple of weeks of self-recrimination. Here it was my birthday, and I was going to have cake and ice cream and probably get taken out for dinner by my darling hubby, and how could I deprive myself on THIS special day? So I did not deprive myself. I ate what I wanted, and after nearly 2 weeks of being at 257, I awoke the day after my birthday, belly still bloated and hands still swollen from all the JUNK I’d eaten the night before, and broke the 257 mark… but in the wrong direction. I weighed 261!!!
However, a few hours later, after two or three rather unladylike trips to the restroom, I was back down to 257. Whew. Close one. Never was so glad to weigh 257 in my life. But I realized then I had literally hit ROCK BOTTOM. I was on the top side of 250… I was headed to 300 pounds. I am 5 feet 1 inch tall. That’s just a heart attack waiting to happen.
Long story short… did Weight Watchers At Home program, lost 16 pounds in 3 months (not bad, was 241 by Christmas), injured my right knee in January of 2007 and walking became very painful, saw my doctor, told me to lose weight, kept trying, hard to walk, got headache, new primary care doctor offered referral to bariatric surgery, said insurance covers it due to my inability to get around and painful joints and risk of diabetes (everyone in my family has type 2 diabetes or other blood sugar control problems, EXCEPT for me, and I was afraid of getting it), I took the opportunity, went to many classes and appointments for psychiatric clearance, medical clearance, lifestyle changes, lifestyle management, nutrition, took 8 months, got the surgery… and today, 4-1/2 months postoperative, my weight is 99 pounds less than it was. I weigh 158 pounds, my friends. My birthday is about to come ‘round again in early September. I can assure you, I will not be having cake. Maybe a bite or two of a no-sugar-added pie, though.
After one has gastric bypass, one’s tastes for certain foods change. While I have had a handful of former favorites fall from my grace, for the most part I still love all the same foods I loved before my surgery, if not more so! I have a deeper appreciation for the taste of my food much more now. I eat slower and take the time to savor each bite.
I do still love food. I have always, my whole life, had this fabulous love affair with good food. I love cooking, presenting, shopping for it, making a list (checking it twice), the whole experience. I *LOVE* going to different places, different restaurants and trying food from different cultures. Local festivals are the bomb for sampling international cuisine. There's the Greek Festival, then the Japanese/Buddhist festival, and the myriad other goings-on in this town. The food alone is reason enough to live here. I love the Asian markets, the farmers' markets, buy most of my produce out at Denio's, etc. The greater Sacramento area is a literal mecca of food pleasures, both sensible and decadent.
So while I'm working on the reasons I over eat, I have finally come to terms that instead of punishing myself for having this deep-seated love of all things food-ish, I'm embracing it and remembering it's a part of myself. I can love food and all the fluff-and-guff that comes with it, the cultures, the socialization, the delight of trying something completely new and finding out that I like it and oh, yes, it has 16 grams of protein AND is low in fat AND is good for me!
My reasons for over-eating and becoming obese have really nothing whatsoever to do with food. It has to do with a lack of self-esteem. By the way, having gastric bypass does not give you a free pass to weight loss—it is still a lot of hard work to eat right. Getting a new gastric “pouch” Is a gift, but it is a tool and only works right if you know how to use it.
Because of the surgery, I'm looking more at food as fuel in my day-to-day life, but I am not going to punish myself or deny to myself any more that I am a Foodie, through-and-through, and I can be a Foodie and not be stupid and put unhealthy fuel in my body!
Isn't that sad, that here I am a bariatric patient and still love food as sort-of a hobby?? But in a way, learning to eat healthier, read labels, keep track of my nutrients, etc., is helping me be a SMARTER Foodie.
So even though I can only eat a half cup to a cup of food at any given time, I make sure it's packed with nutrition, good taste, and a little kiss of cultural flare and Sacramento style.
Two years ago on my birthday, September 4, 2006, I woke up in the morning and, as I did on many mornings, stood on the scale. Seriously, what is that number? It’s gotta be wrong. This scale’s all messed up. Well, I have been eating a lot of salt. But geeze, 257? AGAIN? That’s like 10 days in a row now. Can’t blame THAT on salt, can ya, girlfriend? Thus began a couple of weeks of self-recrimination. Here it was my birthday, and I was going to have cake and ice cream and probably get taken out for dinner by my darling hubby, and how could I deprive myself on THIS special day? So I did not deprive myself. I ate what I wanted, and after nearly 2 weeks of being at 257, I awoke the day after my birthday, belly still bloated and hands still swollen from all the JUNK I’d eaten the night before, and broke the 257 mark… but in the wrong direction. I weighed 261!!!
However, a few hours later, after two or three rather unladylike trips to the restroom, I was back down to 257. Whew. Close one. Never was so glad to weigh 257 in my life. But I realized then I had literally hit ROCK BOTTOM. I was on the top side of 250… I was headed to 300 pounds. I am 5 feet 1 inch tall. That’s just a heart attack waiting to happen.
Long story short… did Weight Watchers At Home program, lost 16 pounds in 3 months (not bad, was 241 by Christmas), injured my right knee in January of 2007 and walking became very painful, saw my doctor, told me to lose weight, kept trying, hard to walk, got headache, new primary care doctor offered referral to bariatric surgery, said insurance covers it due to my inability to get around and painful joints and risk of diabetes (everyone in my family has type 2 diabetes or other blood sugar control problems, EXCEPT for me, and I was afraid of getting it), I took the opportunity, went to many classes and appointments for psychiatric clearance, medical clearance, lifestyle changes, lifestyle management, nutrition, took 8 months, got the surgery… and today, 4-1/2 months postoperative, my weight is 99 pounds less than it was. I weigh 158 pounds, my friends. My birthday is about to come ‘round again in early September. I can assure you, I will not be having cake. Maybe a bite or two of a no-sugar-added pie, though.
After one has gastric bypass, one’s tastes for certain foods change. While I have had a handful of former favorites fall from my grace, for the most part I still love all the same foods I loved before my surgery, if not more so! I have a deeper appreciation for the taste of my food much more now. I eat slower and take the time to savor each bite.
I do still love food. I have always, my whole life, had this fabulous love affair with good food. I love cooking, presenting, shopping for it, making a list (checking it twice), the whole experience. I *LOVE* going to different places, different restaurants and trying food from different cultures. Local festivals are the bomb for sampling international cuisine. There's the Greek Festival, then the Japanese/Buddhist festival, and the myriad other goings-on in this town. The food alone is reason enough to live here. I love the Asian markets, the farmers' markets, buy most of my produce out at Denio's, etc. The greater Sacramento area is a literal mecca of food pleasures, both sensible and decadent.
So while I'm working on the reasons I over eat, I have finally come to terms that instead of punishing myself for having this deep-seated love of all things food-ish, I'm embracing it and remembering it's a part of myself. I can love food and all the fluff-and-guff that comes with it, the cultures, the socialization, the delight of trying something completely new and finding out that I like it and oh, yes, it has 16 grams of protein AND is low in fat AND is good for me!
My reasons for over-eating and becoming obese have really nothing whatsoever to do with food. It has to do with a lack of self-esteem. By the way, having gastric bypass does not give you a free pass to weight loss—it is still a lot of hard work to eat right. Getting a new gastric “pouch” Is a gift, but it is a tool and only works right if you know how to use it.
Because of the surgery, I'm looking more at food as fuel in my day-to-day life, but I am not going to punish myself or deny to myself any more that I am a Foodie, through-and-through, and I can be a Foodie and not be stupid and put unhealthy fuel in my body!
Isn't that sad, that here I am a bariatric patient and still love food as sort-of a hobby?? But in a way, learning to eat healthier, read labels, keep track of my nutrients, etc., is helping me be a SMARTER Foodie.
So even though I can only eat a half cup to a cup of food at any given time, I make sure it's packed with nutrition, good taste, and a little kiss of cultural flare and Sacramento style.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The Pants In The Family
In this world of reversed roles and gender lines being blurred and, in some instances, downright erased, I find that there is both good and bad to this trend. On the good side, equal pay for equal work is now a legal reality in our country. Oftentimes, the wife works, and the husband stays home and keeps the house clean and raises the children. People live their lives in whatever way(s) work best for them, their lives, their homes, their families. Another good by-product of this gender-blender, in my opinion, is the legalization of same-gender marriages in my state. I think if two people love each other and wish to build a life together, I do not believe (again, only my opinion) that any person, government agency, church, group, or entity other than God the Creator of All has the right to place judgment. Many people claim that allowing same-gender marriages somehow harms the institution of marriage. Excuse me, but straight people have been messing that one up since time began… you canNOT blame that on the GLBT community.
That being said, as a straight, middle-aged, fairly recently married woman (4 years now), I would like to also get a few things off my chest about this. This past year and a half or so, I’ve been exposed to a group of individuals who prefer to live their lives with traditional gender roles (men are masculine and honorable and respectable, and women are ladylike and compassionate and feminine), and it’s something not only that they make a conscious choice to do, but their lives seem very rich and fulfilled. I have always been very career-driven. I raised 2 sons by myself and was rarely able to be a “delicate flower”. I had to live my life tough, had to be mom, dad, soccer team parent (only one season, thank you God), sole wage-earner, cook, clean-up lady, chore-giver-outer, disciplinarian (at which I totally and completely failed), household accountant, chauffer (when/if I had a vehicle), had a brief BAD second marriage in the middle of it all that sorely affected my sons in ways that continue in their lives to this day as grown men, and I was pulled in so many directions that I fell far short of doing a very good job at any of the above.
So having to be hard/tough all the time like that left little room for me to be feminine. I had boyfriends here and there, mostly just guys I had quickies with because let’s face it, the kids and I weren’t exactly “real boyfriend” material. Or so I believed. Then in 2002, I met Lewis online in a Yahoo chat room where we were discussing various authors we liked. (Not that we’re highly literate people, mind you--we’re talking Star Trek novels here, people.) He lived clear across the country, so it was safe to be friends with him. But yeah, you know the story, you become online friends, then phone friends, and before you know it, he’s on a Greyhound bus on his way from Baton Rouge just to see you. Next thing you know, he gets off that bus and you look into his eyes and you know that after umpteen years of being terrified of serious commitment (wanting it, but still so afraid of it I convinced myself I did not want it), you look into his eyes and you KNOW he is IT. You’ve found your One, and you SOOO did not want to believe it. Here we are 6-1/2 years later, still together, still look at each other like that, and just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary on August 21.
Life has not been all peaches and roses for Lewis and me, but we are actually still as close as ever. He’s as funny as ever, makes me laugh until my sides ache and tears roll down my face, and we still have the closeness and the chemistry we had that very first day. I thank God every day for him in my life.
Anyway, so this brings me back to the pants in the family. I always felt I had deferred to Lewis, but after spending a great deal of time in the company of these friends we’ve known for the past year and a half (the ones who prefer to conduct their relationships in old-fashioned gender-traditional roles), I realize that I have been a very domineering wife and have downright emasculated this amazingly handsome, hairy, manly man! I’ve been very, very bossy to him and to his children (3 of them, all of whom I adore), have handled all the finances (and very poorly at that), and just kind-of ran things “my way” around here. The motto became “If mama’s not happy, NOBODY’S happy.” I set my family up to feel like they are walking on eggshells around me, but most especially my husband. I’ve been the one in charge, and I was used to that because that’s the way I lived when I was by myself with my sons. One of the things I loved about Lewis when I met him was that he was VERY much a “guy”… you know, all hairy, knows a lot about building things, wants to make me a coffee table, loves power tools, even worked at Home Depot at the time. (I loved it that he came home every night and smelled like lumber.)
So I’ve decided to stop being such a shrew. My husband doesn’t even know I’ve come to this realization. I don’t think he has even realized it. It has just slowly happened over time. I’ve been the primary wage-earner for the last 3-1/2 or 4 years now, and you know what? Mama’s tired. I was the ONLY wage-earner for probably 14 of the first 18 years of my children’s lives. I have had a modest medical transcription career for nearly 25 years now, have had a few different jobs within that realm and have enjoyed a vast amount of experience in different aspects of my profession. But, things have changed, and I think it’s time to slow down the pace a bit. I’m looking into doing something else and going part-time within the organization I work for (there are many part-time positions available). I’m not sure yet what I even want to do. Admissions representative sounds interesting, as does sterilization processing technician (trainee position). Unit Assistant sounds interesting, too. So I see things come up, and I put in for them.
My husband’s 12-year-old daughter recently came to live with us for the school year. Last night was her “Back To School Night”, and I had to miss it because I work a swing shift. I am tired of missing out on everything because of my shift. So I decided, it’s time to make some changes, deep inner changes in me. Allow myself the grace to become the woman I know I am inside. Allow myself to become a trainee even at my tender young age (I’ll be 46 in a couple of weeks), and get a job that allows me to be home with my family in the evenings.
I want to wear skirts and feminine clothes. I want to speak softly but confidently and “be sweet.” I know it sounds corny, but I am at a place in my life where that’s a goal I wish to achieve. And you know what’s the best part? It doesn’t COST ME ANYTHING to clean up my language, stand up straighter, smile more, wear a little makeup every day (because God knows I have enough of it), and just be on the outside who I am on the inside. I want to cook dinner and do dishes and be organized and efficient. I know I will not be perfect, but I can make changes toward those goals that will serve only to enhance and enrich the life that I have and, most especially, my husband’s life. I am also going to relinquish the bills and checkbook to my husband and let him handle all the family/household budget matters from here on out.
I feel really good about making these changes. It is like, giving Lew back his reasons to act and feel like a dude. He is a hero in my eyes, and I will spend the rest of my life being the wife he deserves, the step-mother his children need, the mother my adult sons need, and the grandmother that THEIR children need me to be. And still be the me I need to be.
That being said, as a straight, middle-aged, fairly recently married woman (4 years now), I would like to also get a few things off my chest about this. This past year and a half or so, I’ve been exposed to a group of individuals who prefer to live their lives with traditional gender roles (men are masculine and honorable and respectable, and women are ladylike and compassionate and feminine), and it’s something not only that they make a conscious choice to do, but their lives seem very rich and fulfilled. I have always been very career-driven. I raised 2 sons by myself and was rarely able to be a “delicate flower”. I had to live my life tough, had to be mom, dad, soccer team parent (only one season, thank you God), sole wage-earner, cook, clean-up lady, chore-giver-outer, disciplinarian (at which I totally and completely failed), household accountant, chauffer (when/if I had a vehicle), had a brief BAD second marriage in the middle of it all that sorely affected my sons in ways that continue in their lives to this day as grown men, and I was pulled in so many directions that I fell far short of doing a very good job at any of the above.
So having to be hard/tough all the time like that left little room for me to be feminine. I had boyfriends here and there, mostly just guys I had quickies with because let’s face it, the kids and I weren’t exactly “real boyfriend” material. Or so I believed. Then in 2002, I met Lewis online in a Yahoo chat room where we were discussing various authors we liked. (Not that we’re highly literate people, mind you--we’re talking Star Trek novels here, people.) He lived clear across the country, so it was safe to be friends with him. But yeah, you know the story, you become online friends, then phone friends, and before you know it, he’s on a Greyhound bus on his way from Baton Rouge just to see you. Next thing you know, he gets off that bus and you look into his eyes and you know that after umpteen years of being terrified of serious commitment (wanting it, but still so afraid of it I convinced myself I did not want it), you look into his eyes and you KNOW he is IT. You’ve found your One, and you SOOO did not want to believe it. Here we are 6-1/2 years later, still together, still look at each other like that, and just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary on August 21.
Life has not been all peaches and roses for Lewis and me, but we are actually still as close as ever. He’s as funny as ever, makes me laugh until my sides ache and tears roll down my face, and we still have the closeness and the chemistry we had that very first day. I thank God every day for him in my life.
Anyway, so this brings me back to the pants in the family. I always felt I had deferred to Lewis, but after spending a great deal of time in the company of these friends we’ve known for the past year and a half (the ones who prefer to conduct their relationships in old-fashioned gender-traditional roles), I realize that I have been a very domineering wife and have downright emasculated this amazingly handsome, hairy, manly man! I’ve been very, very bossy to him and to his children (3 of them, all of whom I adore), have handled all the finances (and very poorly at that), and just kind-of ran things “my way” around here. The motto became “If mama’s not happy, NOBODY’S happy.” I set my family up to feel like they are walking on eggshells around me, but most especially my husband. I’ve been the one in charge, and I was used to that because that’s the way I lived when I was by myself with my sons. One of the things I loved about Lewis when I met him was that he was VERY much a “guy”… you know, all hairy, knows a lot about building things, wants to make me a coffee table, loves power tools, even worked at Home Depot at the time. (I loved it that he came home every night and smelled like lumber.)
So I’ve decided to stop being such a shrew. My husband doesn’t even know I’ve come to this realization. I don’t think he has even realized it. It has just slowly happened over time. I’ve been the primary wage-earner for the last 3-1/2 or 4 years now, and you know what? Mama’s tired. I was the ONLY wage-earner for probably 14 of the first 18 years of my children’s lives. I have had a modest medical transcription career for nearly 25 years now, have had a few different jobs within that realm and have enjoyed a vast amount of experience in different aspects of my profession. But, things have changed, and I think it’s time to slow down the pace a bit. I’m looking into doing something else and going part-time within the organization I work for (there are many part-time positions available). I’m not sure yet what I even want to do. Admissions representative sounds interesting, as does sterilization processing technician (trainee position). Unit Assistant sounds interesting, too. So I see things come up, and I put in for them.
My husband’s 12-year-old daughter recently came to live with us for the school year. Last night was her “Back To School Night”, and I had to miss it because I work a swing shift. I am tired of missing out on everything because of my shift. So I decided, it’s time to make some changes, deep inner changes in me. Allow myself the grace to become the woman I know I am inside. Allow myself to become a trainee even at my tender young age (I’ll be 46 in a couple of weeks), and get a job that allows me to be home with my family in the evenings.
I want to wear skirts and feminine clothes. I want to speak softly but confidently and “be sweet.” I know it sounds corny, but I am at a place in my life where that’s a goal I wish to achieve. And you know what’s the best part? It doesn’t COST ME ANYTHING to clean up my language, stand up straighter, smile more, wear a little makeup every day (because God knows I have enough of it), and just be on the outside who I am on the inside. I want to cook dinner and do dishes and be organized and efficient. I know I will not be perfect, but I can make changes toward those goals that will serve only to enhance and enrich the life that I have and, most especially, my husband’s life. I am also going to relinquish the bills and checkbook to my husband and let him handle all the family/household budget matters from here on out.
I feel really good about making these changes. It is like, giving Lew back his reasons to act and feel like a dude. He is a hero in my eyes, and I will spend the rest of my life being the wife he deserves, the step-mother his children need, the mother my adult sons need, and the grandmother that THEIR children need me to be. And still be the me I need to be.
Friday, August 22, 2008
The Dregs of August
Greetings, Earthlings. Not that anybody reads this, ever. Not like anybody but me even knows this blog exists.
So anyhoo, yeah, here we are in the latter part of August 2008. I should be in bed; I have to get up in like 4-1/2 hours. Going to be a big day today. We're going to the state fair today, and we're taking Kimber for the first time. She's 12, just moved here from Louisiana. She's never been to a real fair before, much less anything like the California State Fair! I hope we have a blast, and I'll post blogs and pictures sometime in the next week or so.
Part of the reason we chose this weekend to attend the state fair is that we are also celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary! It seems like it has been longer than 4 years, but you know, in a good way. I married the man of my dreams, the best man I know, and the only one I'd deem marriage material. Thank you, Lewis, for being in my life, for being the wonderful husband you are, and for just loving me like you do and taking care of our family like you do. I love you. You're the One.
Anyway, back to talking about the fair ....
I'm looking forward to seeing how well I'm going to do with food at the fair. For those of you who may be reading this (LOL yeah right, like anyone will read it), I had gastric bypass surgery a few months back and have hit a huge plateau and have been gaining and losing the same 2 pounds over and over this past month! I'm sure I'll avoid the sugary stuff and the fried foods because I so totally do NOT want to develop dumping syndrome in the middle of the state fair! Talk about spoiling a good time!
This is a short blog tonight since I have to get some rest. Will post more in the next few days. Goodnight, one and all.
So anyhoo, yeah, here we are in the latter part of August 2008. I should be in bed; I have to get up in like 4-1/2 hours. Going to be a big day today. We're going to the state fair today, and we're taking Kimber for the first time. She's 12, just moved here from Louisiana. She's never been to a real fair before, much less anything like the California State Fair! I hope we have a blast, and I'll post blogs and pictures sometime in the next week or so.
Part of the reason we chose this weekend to attend the state fair is that we are also celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary! It seems like it has been longer than 4 years, but you know, in a good way. I married the man of my dreams, the best man I know, and the only one I'd deem marriage material. Thank you, Lewis, for being in my life, for being the wonderful husband you are, and for just loving me like you do and taking care of our family like you do. I love you. You're the One.
Anyway, back to talking about the fair ....
I'm looking forward to seeing how well I'm going to do with food at the fair. For those of you who may be reading this (LOL yeah right, like anyone will read it), I had gastric bypass surgery a few months back and have hit a huge plateau and have been gaining and losing the same 2 pounds over and over this past month! I'm sure I'll avoid the sugary stuff and the fried foods because I so totally do NOT want to develop dumping syndrome in the middle of the state fair! Talk about spoiling a good time!
This is a short blog tonight since I have to get some rest. Will post more in the next few days. Goodnight, one and all.
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